I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
