Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
