dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
