I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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