my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
