is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
