Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
