No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
