yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
