you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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