You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
