I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
