I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
