I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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