is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
