trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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