Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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