So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
