you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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