i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
be right there i have to get my cape
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
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