it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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