trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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