Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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