I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
