I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
