Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
