But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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