You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize