This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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