I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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