so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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