Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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