The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
