I'm really into asian looking animals
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
