I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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