If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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