Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm both gender and math confused
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
