So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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