Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
