We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize