sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
