I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
