The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
