Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
