Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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