well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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