You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
