We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
