her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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