Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
