so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize