Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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