So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
