it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
