my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
