and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
