This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I need water and some morals
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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