never play flip cup with pint glasses
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
