im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
