youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
