it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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