I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize