he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
