So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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