That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
