I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
