If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
