I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize