Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
