I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
