Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
