dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
