your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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